Talking about your childhood in therapy can be tricky. Sometimes it may feel pointless, and other times a voice in your head might ask, "What kind of person am I to talk about my loved ones like this?" It can feel triggering at times, or you may just want to push it all away.

However, revisiting childhood can be very important in the therapeutic process. Some of our emotions remain locked there, strategies that once helped us cope may now be self-sabotaging, and unmet childhood needs might be directing our lives subconsciously.

As a psychodynamically inclined therapist, here are 5 things I want you to know to help you bring your childhood into therapy:

1. Children are naturally egocentric. They tend to believe that everything happening around them is because of them. Every word said to them feels like it’s about them. The way they are treated defines how they view themselves. This often leads to self-blame that can persist into adulthood.

   
   

2. In therapy, our goal is understanding, not blaming. We aim to explore the child’s experience, recognizing that circumstances may have affected them deeply, even if no one is at fault. That said, if you feel the need to blame someone, you're welcome to do so—just consider reflecting on this question: "What purpose does blaming this person serve me?" The answer might be more revealing than you think.

   
   

3. Your feelings about your childhood do not define you. It's okay to feel negative emotions toward events or people that have impacted you, even if they're loved ones. You’re allowed to feel the way you do without it being a reflection of your character.

   
   

4. The 'ideal childhood' is often a myth. We're often told that childhood is the best time of life, full of freedom, school, and play. Many people remember it this way because it's how they wish it had been. In therapy, it can be more helpful to talk about what your childhood actually was, rather than what it should have or could have been.

   
   

5. If you're hesitant, focus on your feelings. Instead of getting stuck in self-blame or deflecting the issue, you can start by focusing on your emotions. For example, try beginning your sentences with, "I felt ________." This helps center the conversation on your experience.

   
   

Understanding your childhood is a complex journey, and you're allowed to go at your own pace. Remember, the best thing you can do for yourself now is to be the adult you needed growing up. Choose yourself—explore the roots of your issues in therapy.