When you try to introspect and understand yourself, what are you really looking for? An adjective or a label to describe who you are? What made you do a certain thing, and the conclusion would further define who you are? How are you feeling? How do different parts of you interact with certain situations? 

What I mostly notice, both in people around me and in my clients, is that most of us see ourselves in a very linear sense. By linear, I mean we view ourselves as a single, direct, and straightforward version, without conflicting parts. We let our actions define us through adjectives, and those adjectives become our identity.

Many people who come to therapy wanting to know “who they are” are, in a way, looking for these adjectives, an answer, a fixed definition of their being. Ironically, this search is inherently dynamic, as dynamic as we are. We constantly shift, with different parts of us acting out of different needs, fears, desires, and purposes. Even the part of us that seeks the answer to “who am I” might be operating from a particular need, maybe the need to see ourselves from a meta perspective, to define ourselves in ways that fit into society’s language.

This way of looking at ourselves in a linear way really limits our self-awareness. If every action of ours gives us an adjective/label, it can become anxiety-inducing when we act in ways that don’t fit the image we’ve built. Instead of opening the window to self-awareness, we get stuck in rumination, “how could I do this?" (as if our genuine goal is self-punishment rather than self-understanding.)

Let's take this example: someone who prides themselves on being always calm might suddenly snap at their partner. Instead of asking which part of them reacted, they might label themselves as “angry” or “bad at communication” and spiral into guilt. But if they pause, they might notice that a frightened or unseen part spoke through that anger. Seeing this part doesn’t erase responsibility, but it brings awareness, and awareness is what actually makes change possible.

When we begin to see the different parts of ourselves, it creates space for compassion. A single part acting out no longer feels as threatening because we can separate it from our overall self-image. That creates room for curiosity to come up, where we can ask, "What does this part of me really want?"

Through this lens, we can really understand what made us act or feel a certain way and gain more agency and responsibility over our actions, instead of trying to control it through a rigid, linear self-image. But at the end of the day, they are our parts that 'we' need to take responsibility for. 

It is also understandable why this perspective can be difficult to look at. Society doesn’t describe our actions in parts; it passes judgments. Early on, we learned to see ourselves through that external gaze as a survival mechanism. But do these mechanisms still help us the way they did in the past?

So next time something confuses or frustrates you, just ask yourself: ‘Which part of me was speaking here?’ See what comes up. Hope you find your answers!