Trigger warning: Suicide; Self-harm
This post is not a substitute for therapy but an attempt to share reflections on how the inner critic shapes our inner world.
Usually, I avoid talking about suicide publicly, but today, I feel like I can contribute to it based on my niche: the Inner Critic. The voice that dictates "You should do this" controls, criticizes, sets expectations, and punishes you.
Have you ever noticed how one person deals with failure or hopelessness with resilience, while another ends up taking their own life? What is the difference there? Contrary to societal beliefs, it is not that they are weak or have low tolerance. It is more about what meaning they make of it, and this critical part within us plays a major role in that.
This is the part that:
Defines the worth of your existence based on your failures and successes
Creates an inhospitable environment within, making it hard to sit with yourself and live in constant unease
Turns painful fictions into unquestioned facts: "I am a failure," "My existence is worthless"
Pulls you away from the present, keeping you stuck in past regrets, guilt, and future worries
Decides what you deserve in terms of rewards or punishments
This inner critic can trigger the feeling of ending life or fuel the desire for it.
Sometimes people can clearly identify this 'critic'
because it is loud. Other times, it is so ingrained that it feels natural. To be clear, it is us, a part of us. It is important to understand this voice and not let it control us, and not believe everything it says.
If you are currently going through such ideations and feel certain you are worthless, here are some starting points while seeking professional help and helplines:
Name the critic and externalize it for the time being by creating a character sketch of it. Call it out when it pops up.
Take care of yourself like you would a child or a friend, with compassion, low expectations, and comfort.
Create a safety plan with people who are more compassionate and less critical, coping strategies that work for you, and permission to take a break from working, doing, or achieving.
When the critic shows up, ask short questions: Is my definition of success or failure the only truth, or could there be another way to see it? Is this helpful? What would a kinder part of me say? Is this urgent right now?
You have one life. Give yourself a chance to believe otherwise about your worth, existence, and deservingness. Give yourself a chance to create new meaning beyond what feels unbearable right now. And please seek professional help to understand and manage this critical part of you. If you are not going through this yourself, try to be less critical because someone around you might be.
If you are currently going through any self-harm thoughts, please dial these helpline numbers:
Vandrevala Foundation: +91 9999 666 555
Kiran Mental Health: 1800 599 0019
TeleMANAS free 24/7 counselling: 14416
References
O'Neill, C., Pratt, D., Kilshaw, M., Ward, K., Kelly, J., & Haddock, G. (2021). The relationship between self-criticism and suicide probability. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 28(6), 1445–1456. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2593
Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Irons, C., Bhundia, R., Christie, R., Broomhead, C., & Rockliff, H. (2010). Self-harm in a mixed clinical population: The roles of self-criticism, shame, and social rank. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 49(4), 563–576. https://doi.org/10.1348/014466509X479771
Suh, H., & Jeong, J. (2021). Association of self-compassion with suicidal thoughts and behaviors and non-suicidal self-injury: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 633482. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.633482
